Lucky Number 13 -or- Hang Up The Shining Armour Boys!
Today marks my 13th wedding anniversary. On January 29th, 2004 on a sunny beach in St. Lucia my wife and I said “I do” (although I couldn’t hear her very well but I’m pretty sure she said it too). It’s funny but I remember it like it was yesterday. Her dad, step mom, brother and his girlfriend (at the time) were there to witness the proverbial tying of the knot.
I had a rudimentary – and typically big-dumb-male – understanding of marriage prior to becoming hitched. I figured it meant that as far as laundry and meals go that my bride would pick up where my mother left off. Regardless of my heightened sense of self-reliance (thanks to my own parents divorcing when I was still a little kid) I liked the idea of being looked after. I figured I was on the road to easy street. I have no idea where I gleaned the concept of marriage at that time but boy, I was waaaaaayyyyyy off.
Marriage is f*!%ing hard work. Any man who tells you that he has the perfect marriage or, “my wife makes things so easy for me” is completely full of shit. Now, having said that, when marriage works… it’s beyond awesome!! It’s like a precision timepiece. Every gear, sprocket and gasket has a job and when it functions the way it’s supposed to it’s like a work of art. It’s the synchronized swimming of relationships. It’s an orchestral ensemble. Every instrument is in tune and one alone sounds cool but when played all together sounds heavenly. And on the days marriage doesn’t? It’s like eating at McDonalds. The anticipation of having it is such a rush but once you’ve eaten there you’re left depressed, defeated, ashamed and swearing up and down you’ll never go back to it again.
Like EVERYONE, my wife and have had our ups and downs. “For better or for worse”… remember that line in the fine print? It’s true. It’s the Yin and Yang of human coupling. You can’t have good times without the bad. You can’t have good without evil. And regardless of our scientific and medical advancements, you still can’t put metal in the microwave. I don’t what that means either but let’s move on… I really don’t mind (and neither does my wife – I checked) admitting that marriage counselling helped us through a bit of a rough patch a couple years back. And although it was a benefit overall, I was left a tad deflated after dropping several hundreds of dollars only to find out we were a normal couple. Among many things, it taught me that women don’t need to be saved. Men need to stop rushing in to rescue their wives and solve all their problems. What I’ve found to be a more powerful solution? Shut the f*!% and just listen. Your relationship will be much better for it.
What I learned from my own parent’s divorce is that if something is broken you don’t go out and get a new. You fix it! What I’ve learned “on the job”, having dealt with literally hundreds of domestic incidents over the years, is that people give up too easily. When the ego gets in the way the heart loses sight of the solution that’s been within arms reach all the time. In regards to my own marriage, divorce just isn’t an option. It can’t be an option. I made the choice when I met my wife fifteen years ago, that she is the only women I want to share my life with. She’s the one I’ve chosen to work along side me building the foundations of our family and pave the roads of our children’s futures, aligned with street lights of love and hope and… OH MY GOD THIS IS GETTING STUPID!! Let’s just say that I’ve found the right woman and despite hitting the odd roadblock, we make one helluva good team.
Happy 13th anniversary, babe!!