Strangerer Things -or- My Corpse Bride!

Strangerer Things -or- My Corpse Bride!

For the most part, my wife and I are polar opposites. Why we’re attracted to each other the way we are is sometimes beyond me considering how different we are. She’s a night owl. I’m a morning person. She’s a social butterfly. I’m an introvert. She retains medical knowledge like a Cardiothoracic Anesthesiologist. I can’t even pronounce “Cardiothoracic Anesthesiologist”. What we do have in common though is our love of the macabre. 

As a kid, I’d spend many an hour quietly tucked away in the solitude of my room, surreptitiously thumbing through the pages of the latest issue of Fangoria magazine, keeping a ear out for approaching parents (as though I were “reading” a Playboy magazine). I spent a lot of time avoiding reality by venturing deep into the gratifying realm of my self-constructed fantasy world where no one could call me names, stick derogatory notes on my back or trip me in the halls. In my world, I was supreme ruler over all things made up. I guess that explains why I’m a pretty creative guy today. 

Before delving into my current career in 2007, I spent 12 years in the film and television industry. I’d seen some pretty damn cool things and some amazing talent when it came to special FX makeup. My wife is a massage therapist by trade but, like me, has an avid interest in all things strange and spooky. Her massage skills are unparalleled but they’re rivalled by her prowess as a self-trained special FX makeup artist. Personally, I think she missed her calling. This is a girl who can take a bowl of oatmeal and a pack of gelatine and create a damn convincing victim of the undead. It’s horrifyingly wonderful… and slightly… arousing??! 

My wife and I met online in 2002. I knew almost immediately that she was unlike all the women I’ve ever dated. The main difference being she’d return my calls. But as time went on I realized that  aside from great chemistry,  we didn’t have a lot in common… except a love for zombies. It wasn’t until our third or fourth year together that I realized just how truly gifted she was. Doing her own makeup, she fashioned a VERY convincing zombie bride costume. She even used her actual wedding dress. It’s not like she’ll ever need it again!! **insert nervous chuckle**.

She spent several years honing her ghastly skill. Halloween after Halloween she’d read, study, and research a multitude of sources. Youtube was invaluable. Google was paramount. She got so good at wielding her fantastical skills with liquid latex that our own children didn’t recognize her (and still have nightmares to this day). All kidding aside though, our kids think she’s pretty cool when fully zombified. Especially when they’re present throughout the long transformation.

I’m sure at some point our children will inherit her magnificent mastery of monster makeup. After all, they’ve inherited her good looks, sassy demeanour and ability to pronounce “Cardiothoracic Anesthesiologist.”