Why You Will All Fail On Your New Years Resolutions

My daughter is upstairs for her nap so I thought I’d quietly throw on a quick blog entry. Shhhhhh.

Hard to believe a decade has gone by, huh? Well, a decade plus one year if you’re one of those nut jobs that counts year zero. Anyway, looking back I see a pretty awesome decade. Not as awesome as the 80s mind you but still chalk a block full of good times and hallmark moments. For me I’d have to say the greatest moment by far was the birth of our first child in 2009. A moment that taught me that you have no idea what love is until you have a kid. Other moments include my trip to Egypt to bring in this decade (and the new millennium), my exit from the film/TV biz, my new career (which is too awesome to even speak of), any trip I took to PEI (Canada), buying my first house, losing 30 pounds while becoming a running ninja, trying green eggs and ham only to find that I like it and of course my marriage to my dream girl. I still can’t believe she fell for it.

At the end (or beginning) of every new year you’d never find me making a New Years resolution. If I were to make any changes in any given new year I’d just do it whenever I felt something needed changing and without all the New Years hubbub. Be honest. How many years of your life have you actually made a New Years resolution and stuck to it? Once? Twice? Liar.

Humans are the biggest hypocrites on the planet. Actually, I guess we’re really the only hypocrites on the planet. I haven’t seen too many bees saying “Bah, I’ll collect the pollen tomorrow” or the beaver who got delayed watching Mythbusters and didn’t get around to fixing the leaky dam. Face it when it comes to getting things done or making those changes… we suck.

We all fall victim to the hype and hoopla of New Years but that’s cool. While we have good intentions about making promises for the new year 90% of us are drunk out of our gourds when we make them. It’s kind like waking up next to that girl (or guy) the morning after. You know, the one you met at that party whose name escapes you. You get caught in that what-did-I-do moment. Same thing applies to making these off-the-cuff resolutions… but without the STDs.

So, to save you from inevitable failure I say don’t make the resolutions! You know you won’t keep ’em. Complacency is bliss. Be the miserable YOU you’ve always succeeded in being. In fact, this year I think I’ll make some New Years anti-resolutions. I resolve to develop several new bad habits. I resolve to not brush my teeth as often, leave the toilet seat up and clean up the kitchen three days after a big dinner. I resolve to use my wife’s car and not fill it up. I resolve to allow my 21 month old daughter to watch uncensored episodes of South Park.

Bah, don’t worry. I won’t even keep those promises!

Happy New Year! Happy New Decade!!